This is a very very important topic to me. I learned at a young age that no one would enjoy my company if I did not. In fact, I was bullied for a large portion of my childhood and teenage years (for reasons I am still a little unsure of today) so being the best company I could keep definitely was not only a sure way in my mind to avoid confrontation with people that hated me and I barely even knew, but a major transition into loving myself and finding out who Ashley is. Naturally as humans, living in the land full of putting your business literally everywhere, and deeming self worth off of numbers, we crave human interaction and in turn, we begin seeing ourselves how others see us. I chose and still choose to avoid the distraction.
I went into college craving something new. All I kept hearing from teachers my senior year of high school was how nothing I went through in high school would matter anymore and I would be able to create a new me, and meet some of my best friends for life. I looked forward to that, people would play that track over and over and I heard the church bells ringing – I could finally be me! I met some of the most beautiful spirits I have ever met and still call them my sisters today, but college is when I officially met my my best friend for life: MYSELF. I’m not sure if it was when I sat in my apartment eating stale ass Ramen noodles alone or what, but something just clicked. I enjoyed this shit. Self-love had taken on many different definitions but mine derived from being the best version of myself that I could possibly be. Not only feeling good about myself but what I did for myself.
Changing my thought processes about myself and my life has made me realize the true value in solitude. Being the best company you can keep:
You can always depend on you – Ever hear that phrase, “No expectations, no disappointments”? Yeah, I don’t think I could ever disappoint myself the way I feel others have in the past. Loving yourself will not only keep you from being so hard on yourself but it will allow you to forgive.
Your thoughts will be easier to process without the influence of others – When we feel sadness, anger, happiness, etc. we are programmed to share our frustrations with others. However, with a sense of self, the thoughts of others will not have the ability to make you feel conflicted on your next move. You can go into it with a clear heart and mind – feeling okay and not questioning if what someone else told you to do is the right thing.
Having that unconditional love for yourself will allow you to stop being so hard on yourself, even when you have a rough day. You can learn to forgive yourself, like you forgive others. Remember that your failures in life are stepping-stones on your journey of life and that those failures do not define who you are. Go see a movie by yourself, go to the gym, take a walk, have a nice lunch, sit with nature. Just please do what makes you happy being in your own company. It matters.
Photo Credit: My Husband ❤