Lately, I have not had the desire to share much through the means of social media. I mean, outside of the WordPress community and sharing what I believe can help others, sharing has been limited. I honestly have not been answering my phone very often either. It is not that I am ducking or dodging anyone but I have finally decided to be stingy with myself. I am that person. That family member, friend and even that acquaintance everyone calls on for advice and guidance but I never quite get to spill what’s on my mind – good or bad because no one sticks around long enough to listen to it. Their “glass” is full and I am sitting here dying of thirst. I have officially decided to take back my time. My Instagram is for the most part, very theemothershipp “blog related”, Snapchats are put up sparingly and I am now fully utilizing the “Do not Disturb” feature on my Iphone.
I used to fear losing connections with others until I started to realize it was so much harder trying to regain composure and normalcy after losing myself.
I feared oversharing. I feared people looking past what I had to say and forming interpretations of things I never really wanted to be interpreted in such a way. I feared not giving my son a choice as to whether he wanted to be exposed to the scrutiny of social media because once his pictures were posted, there was no turning back. But the more comfortable I become with me, the more that bracket of emotional fear closes. This feeling that I am having is way more than social media though.
I just prefer to spend my time with me now. I have fallen into my own trance of love. Love for myself that I prefer not to give away to anything thatwill make me feel any less than. There are just things that I am entitled to that no one else needs to understand but I certainly will enforce. You know, little things like my time, space, company, patience, affection, love, laughter, kindness, creativity, spiritual energy and seriously – my peace. I have been hit hard with so many different things lately that I can only help but to keep thinking to myself that something better is on the way. I am shedding a layer and at the perfect time (with the New Year approaching and all).
People will only treat you as well as you treat yourself and I owe it to no one but myself to be okay with me. I mean after all, that’s who I spend majority of my time with. I am just making sure that in the coming future, I am never in bad company. Just a vent.