All I Want for Christmas is…

🎶I don’t want a lot for Christmas

There is just one thing I need…

I don’t care about the presents

Underneath the Christmas tree

I just want you for my own

More than you could ever know

Make my wish come true oh

All I want for Christmas is…. 🎶

(Mariah Carey killed this number didn’t she?)

PEACE. Peace of mind. Peace in my soul. Peace in my life. Overall peace no matter the external circumstances that find their way toward me. I have began to learn a little more about myself through really unexpected and yet humbling experiences, that I allow myself to be taken by the chaos of life. I work hard and over exert myself to prove my worth. I clean constantly to uphold what I believe to be the standard of a good wife and mom. I push. I harbor money for troubling times and never for leisure. I mean the holidays make it even harder. Running around like chickens with our heads cut off searching for the “right” gifts and the “right” colored lights to line the porch; in the end totally missing the point of the holiday as a whole because we can’t be still.

I am a prime example of chaos as it takes on human form. The bouts of depression, anxiety and just plain keeping myself distracted in order to not deal with it all has me at a point where I am never, truly at peace with myself, let alone the world around me. I’m constantly trying to figure out where I went wrong because I’m so far ahead of myself I didn’t account for the loose strands that were pulling things apart. That is, until I had to run back and pick up the pieces.

All I want for Christmas is Peace. To be okay with today and to think about tomorrow when it comes. To appreciate and show gratitude for all things good in the present. No presents.

All I want for Christmas is PEACE.

-Ash