Unfiltered Truth – What is Going On?

So… you want the truth huh? Here it is. For the last two months I have had good days and days that have been so utterly bad I can’t even bring myself to do anything when I get home from work but sleep. This is not me and it frustrates me even more to know that this has not been my norm for years but is affecting almost every aspect of my life to the point where I’m questioning everything.

I mean when it rains it pours. I have been trying to keep up with Blogmas and it has not quite worked out. I started a new job that I’m way overqualified for but my supervisor from hell is intimidated by that and creates problems for me left and right. I have had two different people crash into my brand new car in the last 3 weeks. Money has become a major issue (and its Christmas time), I want nothing more but to spend time with my son but I can’t stay awake long enough to enjoy anything because between all of the stress I’m going through and being pregnant with twins, everything is one step at a time. I miss my husband but I can’t stay awake long enough to show him. I want to write. I have so many great things to share but frustration literally obliterates my thoughts. I mean, I’m writing this post in tears; in a frustrated state of mind because I’m just hurting right now. Mad at myself.

I’m educated. I’m a hard worker. A great mother and wife. Everything and most of the people I have no choice to be around everyday, have me feeling like none of that means anything. Yet everything in me has me feeling like something has got to give and I need to take a leap of faith because things will open up for me but I’m terribly afraid of the unknown. Times like this make me fear for what is next. I am so lost right now, literally upset because I cannot shake the stress every, single day. One step at a time right? Sorry this is a not so positive post, feeling really mehh this week. Cheers to a better weekend? If your reading this, thank you so much for just listening.

-Ash