Lately I have been feeling a bit… different. So eager to meet my little ones and love on my baby boy; all the while thinking of the kind of woman that I want to be. I initially thought these feelings were a part of my third trimester woes, only to realize that they’re not and that I want more from life – only I couldn’t articulate that in any other way except for frustration and sadness. My husband could sense something was wrong.
You see, sometimes my husband and I give each other these pep-talks. Sprinkle of brutal honesty here, love in the middle, sprinkle of advice and wrap it all up in a bow. Like any other gift, if you choose to use it, amazing. If not – sorry there’s no gift receipt.
I expressed my feelings of failure even with all that I have achieved in my 27 years and my voice began to tremble. I wanted to cry. I have this incredible feeling of guilt because I grew up never being satisfied. Always wanting more for myself and those around me. Yet right now, all alone, all I can think about is how much I feel like I haven’t lived because I’m on a constant journey to find something. Anything. Never truly feeling fulfilled. Here is what he said to me:
“Babe, you’re not wrong or selfish for not feeling satisfied in life and you’re definitely not a failure. You have just been settling into jobs, places and relationships with people that don’t serve you or your best interest. You’re not doing what feeds your spirit or serves your heart. I truly don’t think you’ll feel satisfied until those needs are met. Until then and beyond, I am right behind you.”
My heart fluttered because my husband has been watching. He’s been listening and he has been here. All the while waiting to drop this bit of knowledge on me when I came to him for it – like he saved it for me. I am forever grateful for him and the man he has become.
Long story short, feed your spirit. There is nothing in this world that will make you feel more complete than your true purpose. ❤️