In the spirit of transparency (haven’t said that in a while huh?), the last 5 months of my life have been a complete shit show. In fact, it hasn’t been until this month that things are really truly falling back into place for me. But let me elaborate on the title of this here post, I mean after all, that is why you’re reading right? Storyyyyytimeee!
I have to admit, I have had my fair share of challenges throughout my 27 years of life, but none of them can measure up to those that I have faced bearing, birthing and raising three little humans and tackling the title of “mom”. From miscarriages that not only tested my faith but the stamina of my relationship, to posting my Master’s Degree final while I pushed out a beautiful rainbow baby; who is not much of baby anymore. Working full-time on zero sleep and trying to keep my shit together and not allow my postpartum depression to spill all over my office floor and into water cooler gossip. I went through it all with the most supportive and understanding partner in crime, my best friend of 14 years, my husband.
And then, there was two. We had TWINS bruh. – Catch all of that action here: The Twinny Twin Twins Birth Story♡
Nothing, (NOTHING,YOU HEAR ME!), could have prepared us for this. I have to admit, the bit of relief my body felt after giving birth had me feeling amazing. But soon after, my room was empty. The babies were in the NICU and my husband was back on the road to Army Leadership School and there were no flowers, no gifts, no visitors. Just me, my thoughts, Gabriel and all of the other women on the floor with their screaming babies in their rooms while I treaded back and forth to the NICU daily; even after discharge. The babies came home after about 2 weeks in NICU and although we were the kids and were home and trying to find a rhythm, my husband was still away at training.
The literal distance my husband and I drove me crazy but when the mental and emotional distance started to become apparent, it really hit me that I had to hone in on being the strongest I could be for my babies and when my husband came back, I could not stand this dude. His face. The way he could casually shower and have time to eat. How he got to go to work daily and interact with big humans. How he would come home and literally just move with no sense of urgency but he felt like we were disconnected. No shit?! We went from one to three babies in a matter of an actual push and a few minutes and I have barely had time to take a decent shower, eat a full, uninterrupted meal and have had zero adult interaction outside of arguments with him and our passive aggressive jabs at on another. We both wanted to be done. We both felt we needed space, but one thing was for sure, neither of us were ready to take the blame.
Reality #1: We were both in the wrong. I didn’t see it this way at first because taking the blunt of all of our “new life changes” wouldn’t allow me to comprehend that his transition was just as tough. Our communication had become nonexistent and coming to the conclusion that some situations were easy enough to avoid (as they were not worth it) and others were better resolved through constructive communication, we found that resolving differences and fixing problems was more important than a quick fix, an inconsequential sorry and always being right.
Reality #2: As long as all parties are dedicated and committed, things CAN be fixed. Whether you choose to go to counseling, a “do-it-yourself” method, Google the best remedy or even find it in you to speak to friends and family – as long as you realize that not everyone is rooting for your relationship to work – search high and low for a solution if neither of you is ready to give up. We did just that; we tried all of them LMAO. Plenty of lessons learned here, but the biggest one was that we are human and forever growing. We found what works for us and it has been a game changer for our relationship as a whole.
Truth is, my husband and I love each other unconditionally and it’s only when conditions and expectations beyond the scope of what one human can handle do things become murky. Outside of everything we go through, the foundational values that we set forth as a unit, have always allowed us to see things through, communicate and has given us the understanding that we are not always going to agree. We are not always going to like each other but whichever way things turn out, we will always be family and our children will never be hurt. The foundational values we’ve set for ourselves will not allow us, as individuals to remain in a toxic relationship. So in an effort to never reach that point, we communicate and act only out of love. We give credit where credit is due and apologize when we’re wrong. Most importantly though, we both consistently CHOOSE happiness, consistently CHOOSE it WITH one another and wouldn’t have it any other way.