Oh heyyy…😊

Hey there! I’m back! I’m back! I’m back! It’s been a long few months away from you all and writing. Please trust it did not happen without reason. For those following for a while, you know I had given birth to twins and balancing my weekly publishing with that of my new family dynamic had overwhelmed me to no end.

But trust me when I say that being a mother was not the entire reason for my blogging hiatus. In very large part, it was me. I had imagined in my mind coming back after the new year with a fresh outlook and a brand new attitude but January came and left. February came and left, March – well you get the idea but here I am feeling compelled to share my reluctancy.

You see, in the midst of staying ghost on my blog, I attempted a Facebook after 7 years! It didn’t work, but I tried haha! And outside of Snapchat here and there, I remained somewhat invisible online. It wasn’t that I was sitting around doing absolutely nothing behind the scenes, but I felt a longing to seek more internal peace and comfort for all of the good taking place in my life, rather than external validation for it all.

It was a struggle though. I’m sure I’m not the only one who thinks about the momentum one could lose by deliberately going ghost online. Or (call me crazy but…) you hear that voice in their head when you get down about yourself telling you all kinds of lies like “you’re going backwards” or “nothing you write now will even matter because you took too long”. Fear has a way of stopping you in your tracks.

Nonetheless, through all of these excuses I continue to give, I just straight up, avoided blogging. I avoided WordPress. There have been so many good things I’ve wanted to share and even bad things I’ve needed to get out by writing, but I just kept avoiding my blog.

Why?

My need to be perfect? Write a perfect, compelling “Maternity Comeback” piece? Keep you interested? Make you understand? I don’t know, a combination of everything? All I kept doing was making excuses on why today wasn’t the day. I continued to live out that broken record in my head that writing just wasn’t my thing and that no one reads anymore. But in all of that discomfort and uncertainty, here I am. Walking out of the smoke like a bad, cliche building bomb scene in an action movie. Being open and honest and hoping you all haven’t forgotten about me!

I sincerely want to thank you all so much for sticking it out with me and for reading. I appreciate all the love and support. I’m backkkkkkkkkkkkkk!☺️

-Ash