Whoops! I made a big mistake and opened up far more than I was sure I was comfortable with via conversation. I mean, I have spoken before about becoming more transparent through writing and I felt as if I wanted this to translate better into my real life relationships. Because actual friends were few and far in between throughout my life, I found myself handling most of what life was throwing at me alone.
Man this is out of control! Trouble in paradise? No. Lost my best friend? Not quite? Super social? Ehh, not really. Happy? No. Everyone around me is just fine. Yet I find MYSELF slipping away every minute that I try to make sure that everyone else is okay. I have been thinking of a way to write about this without feeling vulnerable but I mean thats what this is right? So here it is. I am completely losing who I am and who I imagined that I would be at this time in my life, completely in and to my my relationships with others. Maybe it is a sign from the universe that something has to change but one thing for sure is that it does not serve me nor anyone around me any good for it to happen.
No, it has nothing to do with being embarrassed about my husbands job or the idea most people have that everything behind the uniform is classified. But it definitely has a lot to do with the fact that it is not my job and I DO NOT wear the uniform. But before everyone gets the wrong idea about this post, let me explain…
So a few months back I wrote a post on being the best company that you can keep (awesome post by the way you should definitely check that out here lol) Being the best company you can keep. However, lately I’ve been finding it harder to slow down with Gabe turning two, the babies coming sooner than expected and finding that QT in the middle of it all for my husband. But this week has been rough! I was feeling the need for me time and steady thinking of how important it is to have before I lose myself in the hustle and bustle of everyday life.
I am going through a bout of severe nostalgia since my birthday this past Saturday. Time is literally flying. Not only are we halfway through January, but my baby boy is turning 2 in less than a month. I have so many mixed feelings. I was just in labor for 12 hours one unexpected morning and had the opportunity to pull my little 6 pound best friend into the world with my bare hands…
Things have been really pretty meh lately. I am not sure what is going on or what I’m putting into the Universe that is bringing this mess back around but….
It seems everyone these days is trying to find the right people to surround themselves with or at our age, that one person to spend the rest of their lives with. Yet, all that I see are people following others around and trying to master their emotions, when truthfully, we have not taken enough time to master ourselves.